Conspiracy Theories stole my lunch money.

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It’s the opinion of some that a person’s death is not a thing that should be celebrated no matter how deplorable their actions in life may have been. I am more than glad that Usama is dead (I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire), I’m elated. But I’m elated because justice has finally been brought to the thousands of innocent people that perished in the world trade center, to the soldiers who’ve died fighting terrorism oversees and to the people of this country as a whole. We should not mourn the passing of an evil man, we can mourn to person he became; but to actually regret his death is to call it unjustified, and that is wrong. He is responsible for the death of thousands and has vowed to kill more.


I can’t even begin to describe how it felt to watch tens of thousands of baseball fans break into a spontaneous chant of “USA! USA! USA!” as the news broke; to listen to the hundreds (if not thousands) of Mizzou students sing the National Anthem, God Bless the USA, even Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus and wish that I had been in greek town to join in; to hear the fireworks (which are illegal in the city limits) thunder through Columbia during President Obamas address to the country. It was a completely surreal moment, as if the entire nation collectively shouted “well it’s about damn time”. I am worried that some of us are confusing Vengeance with Justice. This was not an act of revenge, it is the righteous purge of a very evil man. But that is not the reason I am writing this.


Just to be absolutely clear on this fact, I do believe Usama is actually dead. Already conspiracy theories are surfacing that the government is lying. What purpose would that serve? It’s been nearly 10 years since September 11, why lie about it now after all this time? It doesn’t make any sense. The focal point of these theories is the lack of physical evidence; e.i. why was he buried at sea? The reasoning for this is quite sound and I generally agree with the logic behind the decision. By burying him at sea we have prevented any chance of his grave becoming a shrine to terrorist and would be suicide bombers. The thought of people leaving flowers at his headstone or worshiping at his tomb makes me sick. But the main reason I think he’s really dead is because it’s a lot easier to prove someone isn’t dead than it is to prove that they are. Example:

(Usama isn’t dead)

Obama: We killed Usama. I’m awesome. Change for everybody

Usama: Hello America. I not dead Your Obama is a liar.

Obama: Shit. Well this is a little embarrassing


(Usama is dead)

Obama: We killed Usama. I’m awesome. Change for everybody

*chirping crickets*


I do think the timing is incredibly suspicious though. It is my understanding that the operation had been planned for more than a week. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that; any military action should be carefully planned in advance. It gives soldiers time to prepare, commanders time to acquire equipment, mobilize resources, etc. It also gives elected officials time for political maneuvering. It was only 5 days ago when Obama released his birth certificate. When it was released I remember thinking, Why is he releasing this now after withholding it for nearly 3 years? Who cares how much money Trump wants to throw at his ‘investigation’? The shut up and go away strategy has worked pretty well for Obama so far. Now the timing makes a little more sense.


I’m not saying I believe the birth certificate is a fake. Frankly, I just don’t care. He’s already been elected and whatever ‘damage’ he has done is already done. You can’t undue legislation and repeal policies he has already passed, I’m not even sure he would loose his office if the birth certificate was proven fake. I am pretty pissed that were even having this discussion though. Why the hell isn’t showing proof you’re a natural born citizen a requirement for running for president? What good is a law if it isn’t enforced? That’s like mizzou banning smoking within 20 feet of all building entrances. There is no punishment if you do and no one to enforce it, effectively rendering it a strongly worded suggestion. Except were talking about a law, written in our constitution, that isn’t being enforced. Why the hell not? But I digress…


The timing of the birth certificate release is just too convenient for me to dismiss it as a coincidence. If you’re liberal (and there’s nothing wrong with that if you are, I just think you’re ignorant and a little dumb), then you probably think I’m crazy and jumping to conclusions (actually I doubt you even read past the third paragraph…… so never mind). But the fact remains he knew about this operation a full two days (at least 2, it was probably closer 5 or more) before releasing his birth certificate. That’s plenty of time to have a forgery made and released to the public, be talked about for couple of days and then collectively forgotten as a much more news worthy event happens.


Call me crazy if you wish, but I know the timing was deliberate. I don’t have any proof, this is just what my instinct tells me (it also tells me you have better things to do with your time than read this garbage). I remember saying last week that something major was about to happen (I wish I would have wrote it down or published it somehow but I did not and you’ll have to take my word for it), something big enough to draw every ones attention away from this birth certificate nonsense. I only hope that this administration has learned its lesson and just releases whatever evidence they have of Usama’s death. I don’t care how morbid whatever video footage they may or may not have is, we don’t have time to linger on this and argue about the validity of Usama’s death or the morality of releasing this alleged video footage.. As evidenced with the whole birth certificate debacle, American’s are willing to argue about anything for years (not to mention half the population doesn’t trust Obama further then they can throw him, but he brought that on himself). Release the evidence so everyone will shut the hell up about and lets move on to more important things. Like how we are supposed to pay the bills this year.

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2 Responses to Conspiracy Theories stole my lunch money.

  1. Nicole says:

    I’ve said my piece (or peace, whichever it is…) about rejoicing over bin Laden’s death, so I won’t bug you with a comment on that.

    As to proving bin Laden is dead, I’m not surprised people are questioning the validity. My first thought when I heard that they had already disposed of his body was that it would cause trouble. I’m glad they’re not parading it down the streets of Washington though. You mention that Americans are willing to argue about anything for years. Unfortunately, no matter what evidence the government can provide that bin Laden is dead, plenty of people will never believe it. People still don’t believe that we landed on the moon or that Elvis is dead or that Jesus didn’t have a love affair with Mary Magdalene (thanks a lot, Dan Brown). It doesn’t matter if they release video footage of bin Laden getting shot or pictures of him with a head wound. DNA doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t matter if they had paraded his dead body across the entire continental United States. The media thrives off scandal, so they will talk about it as long as we’ll listen. And when they get tired of covering it, conspiracy theorists will hide in their basements and write books about it.

    Meanwhile, nothing substantial has changed. Al Qaeda can run without bin Laden. Even if they couldn’t, there will always be more terrorists. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but we’re no safer now than we were on Saturday. The patriotic unity will die down and we’ll go back to life as usual.

    Speaking of how to pay the bills…I pumped $55 worth of gas into my tiny two-door car yesterday. Holy cow, I’m glad I don’t drive a truck.

  2. Nicole says:

    Speaking of conspiracies, check this out. Instead of saying bin Laden isn’t dead, they say he’s been dead since 2001 and we’ve been using him to further our political desires to send our troops over to die. This site looks super crazy all around.

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